Day 41: What if I become Useless?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into the fear of ‘what if I become useless’ within being sick

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming useless as a consequence of disease/sickness – whereby I can no longer function the way I used to and be less functional/productive within my contribution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being less productive/functional within contributing to this world in terms of ‘work’ and ‘labour’ within being sick – as I fear that if I am unable to be productive that I will be rejected/spat out now that all my usefulness as a productive unit has been diminished to zero and be left to fend for myself ‘outside of the system’ with no support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected ‘being sick’ to ‘not being able to contribute in productive terms’ and connected ‘not being able to contribute in productive terms’ to ‘useless’ and ‘uselessness’ to inevitable rejection

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise how this fear gets perpetuated through our established economic system where one has to ‘earn’ their living where one can only ‘earn’ their living through contributing in terms of ‘labour’ or ‘work’ – where if one is unable to contribute due to physical limitations or levels of lack of job positions one is screwed as the system will not support someone who does not support the money system – and where there are always some definitively screwed as the system does not allow for 100% level of employment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have bought into the fear of ‘what if I become useless, I will be rejected by the system’ where I will make sure that I can remain productive from the starting point of fear – without for a moment going ‘Hey wait a minute, this design of our system is completely fucked up and needs to be changed’ and within that commit myself to changing the system instead of simply allowing myself to be driven by fear and not come up with an actual solution, where I will attempt to make sure that ‘I am alright’ while I know that this is not possible for everyone due to our acceptance and allowance of the current established system of inequality

When and as I see myself going into the fear of ‘oh shit, what if I become useless within being sick’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am reacting within a survival based program designed to do whatever it takes to ‘keep my spot in the system’ where my own fear of survival will withhold me from questioning the system – where I will rather try and ‘keep up’ with the system as an irrational fear based response rather then seeing/realising that our system is fucked up and taking it up on myself to change the system so no-one has to live in fear of their own survival. Within that I let go of my connection/association of ‘being sick’ to ‘not being able to contribute as a productive unit’ and the connection between ‘not being able to contribute as a productive unit’ to ‘ultimate rejection’ – as I see and realise that such automated chain-fear-response is what keeps me in place as a Money Producing Character in this world who will never question the system because she’s too busy worrying/fearing about her own survival. And within this letting go of these associations/connections I allow myself to see the situation for what it is as the design of a dysfunctional system which is not Best for All and as such requires to be Changed

I commit myself to show that our current system does not support all Life Unconditionally, and that our system only values Life in so far that it can be used within the Money Creation/Accumulation Process where one will be spat out by the system if one’s ‘factors of production’ are depleted – as a used battery being thrown away – where our current economic system support and perpetuates fear of survival in order to keep everyone too busy in their minds worrying about themselves so that they will miss the bigger picture and not consider everyone equally – as one might be able to survive and experience ‘relief’ within having escaped the clutches of survival without support – while being completely oblivious to those who weren’t as fortunate

As such I commit myself to the establishment of a World Economic System of Support where Life is supported unconditionally for the sake of Life and where no-one has to fear for their survival in the case of temporary or permanent physical dysfunction which may limit one’s productive abilities – as this system as the Equal Money System does not place one in a position of dependency in relation to one’s “factors of production” but cares about what is Best for All and Loving thy neighbour as thyself and so no man will be left behind

Related articles

• Day 39: What if something's Wrong with Me?
• Day 56: Measuring the Performance of the Economy - Part 2
• Day 47: The Economic Problem - Part 2
• The Soul of Fear: Day 35
• Life Review – Killed by my Own Fear
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Day 40: This is What Death Looks Like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become a fear-reactor

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relate everything which I perceive in my world back to fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and interpret everything through a customized fear-filter which I created and built over time as accumulated memories through which I have formed my perception

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when having seen myself in the bathroom mirror for the first time after having been sick after a few days – and seeing my greasy hair and how much weight I had lost in just a few days – have reacted within shock/surprise and where within a split second a picture came up as a memory of when I went to see my mother in the hospital for the first time when I had been told that she had cancer, and having been surprised at how skinny she had gotten and how bad she looked with her skinny frame and greasy hair – and where I connected this picture presentation of ‘skinny and greasy hair’ to ‘cancer’ and ‘cancer’ to ‘death’ – and so within a single moment instilled ‘fear of death’ within and as me simply within that one moment of seeing myself in the mirror, being surprised/shocked and not knowing how I should exactly ‘feel’ about what I see – have gone and delved within my database of memories and pictures, flipped through all the various memories as images stored inside myself until I found a memory/picture which had similar features to the one I was seeing now – where the points of ‘greasy hair’ and ‘skinny’ stood out – have identified a memory/image as a ‘match’, taken it ‘out of storage’ and upload the memory/image in and as myself within that moment, where I then  ‘pasted’ the energy experience associated with the stored memory/image of my mother having cancer, unto the current moment of me seeing myself being skinny and having greasy hair – and so ‘defined’ the moment for myself as ‘this is what death looks like’ – and all that, in less than a split second

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an automated organic robot which functions no different than the computer I am writing on this very moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I went to see my mother when she had cancer and seeing how skinny/bony she was and greasy hair – have connected the picture presentation of ‘being skinny and having greasy hair’ to the manifestation of ‘cancer’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a definitive relation inside myself with the point of ‘cancer’ and ‘death’ – where through education, parenting, media – cancer and death were almost always mentioned simultaneously – and where cancer has been portrayed as the ‘number one enemy’ as there is ‘no cure for cancer’ and ‘make sure you check yourself for cancer, because YOU COULD DIE!’ and other fear propagating campaigns

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when my mom had cancer, have believed that she would die through all the various memories of having seen/heard moments where cancer was followed by death in movies/news/internet stories – and where I connected my mom being skinny/bony and having greasy hair to ‘this is what death must look like’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that ‘being skinny/bony and having greasy’ does not have to be ‘what death looks like’ – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I MADE THE DECISION that ‘being skinny and having greasy hair’ is ‘what death looks like’ – while this is not a reality but a made up idea which I try to impose upon reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to within the moment of seeing myself in the bathroom mirror and seeing how greasy my hair was and how skinny/bony I had become and experiencing shock/confusion about what I was seeing – have gone into memory to ‘define’ my experience for me where I defined it as ‘this is what death look like’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be here within and as Breath as my Human Physical body – where instead of going into reactive irrational fear towards the image I was seeing in the mirror – would have seen/understood that the body within being sick may temporarily have to appeal to additional resources such as fat and muscle tissue within the body in order to assist itself within the energy intensive process of re-aligning itself – and thus the ‘being skinny’ is simply a biomechanical consequence of one’s body working through disease – and does not have to mean anything more than that – and where the ‘greasy hair’ is simply a consequence of not prioritizing one’s looks as one is sick and not going out in any ‘public spaces’ where ‘appearance’ is apparently ‘important’ – and as such there is no point wasting one’s energy within trying to look ‘presentable’ as it is more practical to preserve one’s resource to assist the body within its process of restructuring

I commit myself to change my daily living within and as fear to daily living within and as Breath as the only point within which one can be Free

I commit myself to deconstruct myself as the ‘Fear Character’ within my Journey to Life in specificity and diligence – to no more accept and allow myself to live within a restricted version of reality behind the self-created prison bars of fear

I commit myself to identify and unravel all the fear points which in totality make up the ‘Fear Character’ which dominates my life – so that I can emerge as Life from the Physical and no more allow such self-constricting bullshit

When and as I see myself not being able to ‘place myself within a situation’ and go look for ‘past memories’ which have ‘similar features’ to the situation I am in within an attempt to ‘define my experience’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that hauling in the past and pasting past experienced unto the current moment is in no way assisting or supporting myself within ‘placing myself within a situation’ – as I am actually taking myself ‘out’ of the current moment and back into the past – and so distorting/falsifying the current moment with past experiences and then believe this “new” experience to ‘real’ – while all it is, is the recycling of memories

Within that, I commit myself to show that we only ever lived as characters within our daily lives, where we wake up in the morning and see our alarm clocks, and then filter through all the various memories we have of waking up in the mornings and seeing our alarm clocks, and then picking out the one which resembles the current picture the most and paste the past experience which is stored in the memory unto the current experience and believe this experience to be ‘real’ and what is going on ‘now’ – while all the while we never experience anything ‘new’ but our limited reality as our personality as the result of accumulated memories – and so with every new moment, every new picture we perceive through our eyes, all we do is filter through our database and give every moment as we walk through our day ‘meaning’ through past memories/experiences which have some correlation to the current moment as image presentation/smell/sound/taste where we use our senses in a limited fashion to dig up old memories with similar sensory signatures similar to the moment we are experiencing now – and within that override the current moment through imposing past experiences so we may never see what is really going on and what is really happening within our world as we keep ourselves locked within ‘what we already know’ as stored memories so we will not hear/listen when something is presented which is not already contained in our memory database such as the Desteni Message as it goes against everything we know and everything we’ve believed about ourselves and the world and so we will shun it and reject so we can uphold our Fort as our Character Reality and never change

I commit myself to show how we are all just organic robots no different from our Macs and PCs – where our actions and decisions are the outputs of inputs and where these inputs are determined by memory as childhood and parenting where how our parents brought us up in this world has a major effect on Character and as such it is of major importance to deconstruct our relationships with ourselves as imprinted by our parents

When and as I see myself accessing associations within a current moment’s picture presentation – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am moving away from the current moment into my mind as past experience whereby I am making something ‘more’ out of the current moment than what it is – which is proof of the inner psychotic in me and as such I cannot be trusted. Within that I commit myself to snap myself out of these moments and bring myself Here, into and as Breath and my Human Physical Body and what is REAL

I commit myself to show that Cancer is not the Number One Enemy as Cancer is only a reflection/consequence of who we are and how we treat one another – where cancer is the result from unequal treatment and as such we will manifest this inequality within ad as ourselves as manifested consequence to remind ourselves from our true nature and as such there will never be a Cure for Cancer as long as we do not Cure our Human Nature and Purify it to one that is Best for All Life

I commit myself to educate and train myself within common sense practicality within removing the layers of deception as Fears within and as me – so I may see the workings of Reality for what it is instead of seeing my personalized assumption customized through my Fear Character and living my Li(e)fe out in an Illusion

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Day 39: What if something’s Wrong with Me?

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when noticing that my body is showing me signs of possible illness, go “Oh No! What if something’s wrong with me” inside myself – within the starting point of fear as fear of death

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when noticing my body showing signs of illness, freak out and within my head look at all the possible disease/illnesses I may have as all the various different illnesses/diseases I know about
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within seeing that I might be sick, immediately connect and jump from ‘being sick’ to ‘DEATH’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached a negative energy charge as emotion as fear to the point of ‘illness’ – whereby I will go and immediately expect the worst

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about what it means to be ‘sick’ where I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an association with the word ‘sickness’ and ‘something’s wrong with me’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within seeing my body showing me that it is busy working through something, go into fear of ‘What if something’s wrong with me’ – and within that moment/thought statement place myself in a position of separation towards myself as the physical – within and as the belief that “if something’s wrong with my body I am fucked because I have no influence/reach there”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unable to ‘fix’ my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my body slowly deteriorating in pain without me being able to do anything about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the moment of seeing that my body is working through something, go “I must find out what this is” within a starting point of fear – where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I can put a label/name on what it is that is going on – that I will somehow have a better “grip” on things / have some form of “control”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that “finding out what it is” as back chat is in fact a statement of separation, as I not for one moment considered to slow down and breathe, be here as my human physical body and see what’s going in – but instead will go to external sources such as internet/books to find ‘clues’ on what it is that is going on inside my body and within reading symptoms/possible disease – go into more fears as ‘What if it’s this?’, ‘What if it’s that one?’, ‘OH no, not that one please, that one’s lethal!!’ – lol – and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up within a rollercoaster ride of fear and accumulate more fear within wanting to ‘find out’ what I have to gain a sense of control – instead of seeing and realising that ‘what I have’ is right here as myself – and that I can simply observe myself and how my body moves within working through whatever it is working through – and that if the signals do not subside by themselves within a relative short period of time, I can direct myself towards a doctor and ask for additional support while my body requires it

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that being in fear in relation to the possibility of being sick does not serve me – as all I am doing is giving and sending my body signals that ‘SOMETHING’s WRONG’ – whereby my body will start to adapt this signal as ‘status quo’ and move/change itself to match the signal of ‘SOMETHING’s WRONG’ – and so through my fear as thoughts, make myself sick and compromise my body

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the best thing I can do for my body when seeing / noticing that it is working through something – is to be here unconditionally within and as Breath within self-awareness as my human physical body – because when I am here as Breath, I am best up to date on my body’s process and how it is dealing with the particular point, and at the same time, through not being occupied within my mind – allow my body the space and time to process, as it is not being bombarded and distracted by thoughts as fear


When and as I see myself going “Oh no! What if something’s wrong with me” within seeing that my body is working through something – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that participating in fear creates only more fear and keeps me from practically being here, as my human physical body – as within entertaining myself with thought and fear I enter an alternate dimension within my mind which has no relation to what it is that my human physical body is experiencing – and as such I can completely dismiss/disregard any of the thought/emotion information as it is unreliable
Within that I commit myself to be here for myself as my human physical body and to net get carried away by fear upon seeing that my body may possibly be sick

When and as I see myself racing inside my head as all the thoughts of ‘what possible diseases I could have’ and accumulate more fear in relation to what my body is showing me – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that racing inside my head and accumulating fear is in no way whatsoever supporting my body within working through whatever it is working through
And so I commit myself to be Here within and as Breath when I see that I am entering a fear state – as I see and realise that the only way I can be of assistance of myself is if I am here as my human physical body and assist where I can

When and as I see myself jumping from one point to another as ‘sickness’ to ‘death’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I as my mind is going into overdrive where I am scaring myself to death and accumulate a self-fulfilling prophecy – as within being in fear I am not allowing myself to be here and make common sense decisions – and so within being in fear put my life at risk and as such participating in ‘fear’ is a very reckless thing to do and doesn’t assist self in any way whatsoever in relation to the point which is being faced
Within that I commit myself to investigate the fears and apply Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements to release myself from these connections

When and as I see myself going into a negative energy charge as ‘fear’ in relation to seeing my body giving signs that it is working through something – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that any emotion/feeling/though about seeing what my body is doing is ‘making it something more than it is’ – and is in fact a form of hallucination wherein I am no longer able to trust myself as I am distorting the situation through my fears/beliefs/thoughts into something which it is not – and as such I cannot be trusted to make decision as I have biased myself
Within that I commit myself to identify all the biases I have created about seeing my body work through something so I can develop a relationship of self-trust and be in touch with Reality instead of a self-made Illusion up in my head

When and as I see myself going into thoughts such as “What if something’s wrong with me” within seeing my body work through things – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that there is no point speculating about what is going on inside me, and that all I can do is be Here as my Physical Body so I am in the best position to be aware of ‘what is going on’ and whether or not I require to take any action at any point
Within that I commit myself to be Here as Breath as the only point where I can be the directive principle

When and as I see myself entertaining myself with the belief that ‘I am powerless in the face of my body’ -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I AM my BODY and as such I cannot be powerless – we’ve just never been taught and assisted into realising that we are our bodies and so have been taught the practical skills with which one can assist and support self as the body as all the attention has always been on the Mind only
Within that I commit myself to be Here within and as Breath as my Human Physical Body and develop an actual relationship with and as my human physical body for the first time and find out what it means to be here in this Physical Reality for Real

When and as I see myself thinking “I must find out what this is” within an energetic charge of fear in relation to seeing that my body is working through something – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that me wanting to find out what is going on inside my body is not from a starting point of self-assistance and self-support in relation to myself as my body – but from the starting point of ‘easing my mind’ and as such there was not one iota of real consideration involved in relation to the well being of my human physical body – and so, within those moments, I stop myself, breathe – be here as my human physical body and re-asses the situation and commit myself to put my body FIRST through being HERE

When and as I see myself thinking ‘SOMETHING’s WRONG’ within an emotional charge of fear – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise I am in fact creating my fear through telling my body that something is wrong and within that actually ask my body to sabotage itself and align itself to the message I am sending – and within that I commit myself to investigate the nature of the signals I send to my body within being in the Mind and to stop all messages which are not Best for All (which is any message coming from the mind) and thus commit myself to be Here as my Human Physical Body as Real Attention and Actual Care as the Best Message I can send to my body as myself

Related articles

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• Day 37: What's Happening to Me?!
• Day 36: Self as Creator
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Day 38: Being Sick is So BAD! Or is it?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about ‘being sick’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise / understand that most of the experience of ‘being sick’ which is ‘bad’ actually takes places within my head – where I have accepted and allowed myself to have created all sorts of ideas/assumptions inside my head about what it means to be ‘sick’ – and where these ideas/concerns influence how I experience myself within ‘being sick’ – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this experience is not in fact part of the sickness/being sick – but a layer I added of my own within my mind where I repeat the same pattern/experience over and over again until I believed that ‘it is part of being sick’ while it is a self-created dimension / additional experience which I added unto the point of ‘being sick’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is physical ‘being sick’ – where the body is going through particular process in re-aligning itself, which can be physically unpleasant – and that there is mentally ‘being sick’ as all the various ideas/beliefs/opinion one has linked to the body ‘being sick’ – making it something more than what it is which distorts the actual experience of being sick and making it a ‘bad thing’ where one will go and worry inside one’s head and create unnecessary experiences which in the end also affect the body adversely and holds the body back from naturally progressing within its re-alignment within the ‘make-belief’ that something is wrong with self

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that 99% of the experience of being sick which I have defined as ‘bad’ and ‘unpleasant’ – took actually place inside my head as all the fears/worries while my body may have been in pain but was otherwise quite alright doing its thing

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the body can be in pain within going through the processes of aligning the dis-ease – but that this doesn’t have to mean anything other than what it is

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that once I start to *think* about what I am experiencing, I am creating something / making something which it is not -- and so I stop and I breathe

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created ideas/beliefs/opinions about what it means to be ‘sick’ or to be ‘in pain’ – and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that these ideas/beliefs/opinions are real – as if these things are really implied within ‘being sick’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that all the fears/worries/concerns which I have paired with ‘being sick’ aren’t real – and that these fears/worries/concerns are taught from parent to child


When and as I see myself accessing ideas/fears/beliefs/opinions about what it means ‘to be sick’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am entering and entertaining myself within an alternate mind reality / dimension which has no relation to the physical actuality of things, where I am making this ‘more’ than what they really are and within that compromise my own ‘healing’ process. Within that I commit myself to write down the ideas/fears/beliefs/opinions which ‘popped up’ and remove them through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements so I can remove the layers of lies one by one so I can get to what is really going on

When and as I see myself going into a point of self-pity and defeatism in relation to being sick as ‘being sick’ being a ‘bad thing’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am participating in a dimension which I created myself about ‘what it means to be sick’ – where I have accepted and allowed myself to give ‘meaning’ to ‘being sick’ other than what it really means to be sick, as your body being momentarily out of balance and having to go through a process re-balancing/re-aligning itself. Within that I commit myself to remove all ideas about being sick and stop my back chat when I see that I am participating in this alternate / illusionary reality

When and as I see myself experiencing myself as ‘bad’ / ‘weak’ / ‘not doing well’ – I stop and I breathe – I quiet myself down and allow myself to just be here within and as my physical body and check how I am doing – am I really doing bad or am I making myself feel bad about what I am feeling?

When and as I see myself creating and accessing ideas of what ‘it means’ when my body is going through when feeling nauseas, vomiting, headache, pain, fever – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these manifestations are part of the body dealing with the disease and don’t have to mean anything other than that – and so I stop my back chat and forgive myself so I can allow myself as my body to take care of itself without manipulating the process and holding myself back within beliefs and ideas (haha while I was typing ‘beliefs and ideas’ it was sounding something like ‘be ill eafs’ and ‘dis-ease’ within myself – interesting how you can make up the word ‘disease’ with all the letters within ‘ideas’)

When and as I see myself accessing fears/worries/concerns about being sick – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these fears/worries/concerns as ideas must have come from somewhere and so I trace back their origin and correct myself within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

I commit myself to show how all fears have been taught – where most fears have been taught from parent to child without us even noticing as we believe these ‘fears’ to be ‘facts’ within the ‘enthusiasm’ and religious like ‘faith’ that they have been presented/taught to us


It’s interesting because while I was sick my mom had sent me an email to see how I was doing, and I replied with how I was doing and what symptoms I had. She then replied, and in her reply she was being very worried. She had done some of her ‘own research’ on the internet and believed that I was actually suffering from an ‘additional’ disease as well – and that should read it and pay close attention to the symptoms. She then mentioned a child she knew who had had the disease and how that kids had spent months in the hospital and took very long to recover, and that the doctor had said to the mom that you can die from this disease if you don’t catch it and get treated for it. And then she urged me to go back to the doctor.

As I was reading the email I could see she was ‘playing mom’ – but I was also experience fear and panic of ‘what if I have this disease’ and ‘what if I don’t even know that I have it’ and ‘Omg, I could die from this’.

And then I had to tell myself to stop and let go, because I could see I was just copying the same worrisome behaviour as my mom. The reason why she wrote the email the way she did was probably from remembering the kid who had had somewhat similar symptoms (lol, the symptoms are basically ‘flue like’ – so you can see that this is really ‘broad’), and having remembered that the mom told her that you can die from it and then probably fearing that this disease would happen to her or her kids. And then seeing the symptoms in my email, her fear got triggered and she doesn’t want me to die so I must go to the doctor and make sure I don’t have this disease!

It’s all just fear, fear, fear, fear, fear.

So within the next few blogs I’m going to look at all the various fear which came up and this whole ‘layer’ I’ve created about what it apparently means to ‘be sick’ or ‘be in pain’ – so I can get rid of this bullshit.

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Day 37: What’s Happening to Me?!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was sick, set myself up as the ‘observer’ within my body – where I experienced myself as merely ‘observing’ all these things ‘happening to me’ within my body – without for a moment stopping and realising that I am my body and so things can’t just happen ‘to me’ without me being part of its creation/development and direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would experience things moving / have pain within my body – have gone into a mode of ‘Waaaooaah, what’s happening to me!?’ and just sit there being startled without for a moment seeing / realising that I am my body and that I can, as my body simply check what’s going on and assist myself as my body in moving / re-aligning myself to a point of optimum functioning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from my human physical body to such an extent, where I will ‘look’ at what it is that I am experiencing from an ‘outsider’ point of view- and for instance ‘look at my tummy’ when it is sore/nauseous, as if it is something ‘out there’ – without seeing / realising that I AM my tummy – and so there’s no point to just ‘sit there’ and ‘look’ at what is going on as a statement of separation, but instead realise that I am my tummy and I am the experience of pain/nausea – and so I can direct myself as my tummy as the nausea/pain Equal and One and correct / assist myself in moving through whatever is going on within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was sick and feeling unwell, have ‘stepped back’ into and has my mind’s chambers where I would just ‘sit’ there and ‘wait’ for my body and the medicine to do whatever – where I completely separated myself from the disease, the medicine and my body within the belief that ‘I am a victim’, ‘I am powerless’, ‘I am weak’, ‘I can’t do anything but wait it out’ – without seeing and realising that I am in fact my body, the disease and the medicine and can thus direct all these points as myself Equal and One

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the habit of whenever I would experience something such as illness, pain, nausea – have gone into a reactive mode of ‘Woah, what’s happening to me??!!’ – where I immediately would go into fear of not understanding what is going on and freak out / cry /worry – without seeing and realising that I can only experience things as ‘happening to me’ and ‘not understanding what’s happening to me’ when I am in a complete state of separation in relation to my body – where I merely take in a little compartment in my mind, being completely oblivious to my human physical body, its processes and how it functions – so that when I am in pain or something is ‘off’ – I go into complete fear/anxiety/stress because I am suddenly reminded of this ‘human body’ I have, and freak out because I’ve never allowed myself to get to know myself as my human physical body within the belief that who I am is limited to my mind – and so I am confused and distressed as I don’t know what to do with this experience as I haven’t considered that I am my body and can thus I can simply be here as my body and check out what’s happening and accordingly assist and support myself in re-aligning my body to well-functioning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would experience things such as pain/nausea/disease go into a state of panic and distress as I believe that ‘I do not know what’s going on’ and ‘I don’t know what to do about this’ – and then within this fear reach out to other people such as my parents/teachers, where I will go to them and ask for feedback on what’s happening to me – wherein they also react into fear and distress as they don’t know what to do either– and where they will go and get me to a doctor to tell us ‘what is going on’ because we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves from our bodies to such an extent that we believe that we can’t tell ‘what’s going on’ and that we need someone who’s learnt about the human body from books to tell us what is going on and give us medicine to “fix us” where the medicine will take care of the symptoms so that we do not have to experience pain/nausea/sickness and get back to a point where we can once again be completely unaware of our bodies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel physically unwell, trust doctors and other so called ‘medical authorities’ to tell me what is wrong and tell me what to do – without seeing and realising that these people know as much as I do – because they too have separated themselves from their bodies as they have gone and studied the body ‘from books’ and never investigated / studied their own bodies from the starting point that they are their bodies and can thus see / realise / understand how the body works and functions from this Equal and One starting point – but since they, just as me, have separated themselves from their bodies – they only have limited knowledge on how the body works and this knowledge can only ever be within the form of ‘interpretation’ as all studies done in relation to the body have always been done from the starting point of separation and observation - and never from a starting point of Physical Oneness and Equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be satisfied with the way we currently treat our bodies within the context of disease – where I will feel unwell and go to a doctor who then gives a label to what it is that I am experiencing and gives me some medicine to feel well once again – without ever finding out how the dis-ease was created in the first place and what I can do about it so that it doesn’t happen again and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about my wellbeing as the mind as happiness wherein I do not want this physical body of mine to be in pain / be unwell because then I am not able to be peaceful in my mind as my body is constantly reminding me that something is wrong and that it requires attention but I don’t want to look at it, as all I want to do is be happy and so I will do whatever it takes to make myself feel ‘normal’ again so I can continue to live in my mind undisturbed and uninterrupted by my body’s existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see disease / pain / nausea as a disturbance and just ‘want to get rid of it’ – instead of seeing / realising / understanding that my body is trying to give me a message going “HEEEELLLOOOOOOOOOO, anyone there??? Something’s up in your boooodyyy! Better check it ooooout” – but where I’ll just want to go SHHHT!! Because now I feel unwell and I can’t focus on the things I want to focus on as the things that apparently ‘matter’ in life as Mind Entertainment, where I can no longer entertain myself undisturbed within my mind as thoughts/fantasies/back chat because there’s this body nagging me which is constantly drawing attention away from my mind to the body and I want to be in my mind not my body and so I’ll go and look for a ‘quick fix’ as meds and painkillers to make the body shut the hell up so I can continue “living my life” – and so just suppress the Human Physical Body into silence, without ever investigating what was causing the discomfort in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined my human physical body as a ‘nuisance’ – instead of seeing / realising that it is actually all in reverse and that it is the Mind which is the actual nuisance as I am living in constant fear but will deny this and patch up my fear experience by holding on / looking only at the ‘good things’ in life as hopes and dreams and will not for a moment question my limited reality as the Mind in the belief that it is ‘so much more’ than my human physical body without ever having actually investigated my human physical body and what it means to be here as my human physical body – because if I would have I would not be here protecting and defending my mind as ‘the greatest thing ever’ as it is the one thing keeping me confined in the limited space in my head – while my human body is part of the physical and is everywhere, showing me that the physical is actually superior to the mind

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise that we are taught from an early age that what’s important is the Mind as the Pursuit of Happiness where we are told it is good to dream and to hope and that we should get out of Life whatever it is we want – without having been taught any consideration for our physical reality and within doing so we’ve manifested a world where beings go and chase their dreams and hopes and believe that they have the right to get out of life whatever it is they want because apparently they are ‘special’ as that is what our parents have told us, and that we ‘deserve the good things in life’ – while in the meantime within not giving attention to the physical reality we’ve manifested a world where half the population lives a life of misery within physical deprivation and we don’t care because we’re special and we have the right to have the ‘good life’ – too bad it didn’t work out for all those poor people suffering and starving but my mommy told me I am special and that I deserve the best, I’m not going to bother giving attention to you and your miserable existence because it makes me feel bad inside and I don’t want to feel bad, I want to feel good so I’m just gonna go ahead and ignore all you people living a life that I wouldn’t want to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind is real and that my body is a nuisance without seeing / realising that without my body I am just a thought, and that at death my body will still be here and return to the Earth while who I am as the Mind will simply be deleted, removed – gone without its exit making any impact on the World because the Mind is not Physical and only the Physical can make an impact within a Physical Reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that a little tick is more powerful than a single thought because it has an actual impact on this physical reality while all my Mind as thoughts can do is ramble about in my head without making any difference to the world at all

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that what is of importance is not the mind – but my physical body – as it is through my body that I am here on Earth ‘living my life’ and if it were not for my body I would not be here right now and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken my human physical body for granted completely within not seeing / realising that I am completely dependent on my human physical body and its well-functioning for my existence and presence here on Earth – as I can be here on Earth without mind but I cannot be Here on Earth without a body

When and as I see myself going into an ‘observer’ mode upon noticing something being ‘off’ within the context of my human physically body – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am powerless as an observer as I can only observe – and thus I move myself into and as my body as physical awareness and check out what it that is ‘off’ within my body – and accordingly assist and support my body within re-aligning myself as my body to a point of well-functioning

When and as I see myself going into fear as ‘What’s Happening to Me?!’ upon seeing / noticing something being ‘off’ within the context of my human physical body – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in fear / distress because I do not understand what is going on and start making assumptions – instead I realise that I am my human physical body and am thus perfectly able to understand what is going if I stand here One and Equal as myself as my human physical body and check what is going on – and within checking what is going on I can direct myself to correct / assist myself within re-aligning myself to get myself as my body to a point of well-functioning

When and as I see myself going into a state of self-victimization in relation to my body as ‘I am weak’, ‘I am powerless’, ‘I am a victim’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am the one placing myself into the position of powerlessness/victimization within separating myself from my human physical body and within this separation keep myself from being the self-directive principle – and thus I embrace myself as my human physical body and take self-responsibility for myself and allow myself to unconditionally check out / investigate my human physical body and what it is experiencing and within that assist myself in correcting the point which requires re-alignment

I commit myself to get to know my human physical body for the first time, to spend time with myself as my human physical body to actually find out how I operate as my body, how I experience myself as my body – and within doing so for the first time allow myself to develop an intimate relationship with myself as my human physical body

When and as I see myself wanting to reach for ‘external’ points / sources to tell me what to do / what is going on with myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within this I am only further separating myself from my human physical body within wanting someone else to tell me what I am experiencing while I am perfectly able to see / identify what it is what I am experiencing because I am my body and I am my experience – I just haven’t allowed myself to see /realise it

I commit myself to show that we’ve never really ‘understood’ the human physical body and its biological processes/functionings as we’ve only ever studied/observed the human physical body from the starting point of separation as the ‘observers’ – where we’ve never allowed ourselves to develop an intimate relationship with and as ourselves as our human physical bodies – which implies that all information/knowledge available on the human physical body is within the form of interpretation as we’ve never cared to find out first-hand what is real and what is not

When and as I experience physical discomfort and go into a state of ‘What can I do to get rid of this’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this thought is indicating to me that I am not here as breath as my human physical body – but ‘out there’ in my mind not wanting to be disturbed by Reality, only wanting to tend to the physical discomfort so I can go back being interrupted within my Mind Reality – and so I bring myself here within and as Breath, move myself back into and as my body and re-organize my values and priorities as this incident is indicating to me that I am still holding on to the mind over matter – and within that I commit myself to investigate within self-honest self-reflection what it is that I am still holding on to and forgive myself

When and as I see myself making the association that my human physical body is a ‘nuisance’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am being within the Mind within not wanting to tend to my physical body – because if I am here as my body I am no longer in the Mind which me as the Mind does not want because then it doesn’t get fed anymore – and so I commit myself to stick to Breath and do not accept and allow these ‘scare tactics’ of myself as the mind in keeping myself from what is Real as this Physical Reality because that’s the only place where I have power / am empowered – which is something my mind doesn’t want, and so it is really my mind which is the real nuisance and parasite which makes we want to believe that I can’t do without it

When and as I see myself going into a point of distraction of moving myself physically and applying myself in a way which will have a real physical impact within changing our current reality of Abuse to one that is Best for All -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am acting within self-interest and the belief that ‘I should be able to do what I want’ and ‘I should get the best out of life’ which is an attitude I’ve adopted within childhood as parents teach us that we are special which implies that others are ‘less’ – and so I stop participating within the distraction and remind myself of what is Real and what is of Importance and move myself back into and as my body as a physical statement of what really matters, and within that move myself to apply myself in a way that feeds What is Best for All and All Physical Bodies / Parts of Existence -- instead of only feeding what’s Best for my Limited Ego as the Mind within selfishness

I commit myself to show within my Journey to Life that what matters is this Physical Reality as we can see that what lasts is this Physical Reality, while the Mind can be deleted just like that – and does not contribute in any way to manifesting a World that is Best for All as the Mind only cares about itself at the expense of others

I commit myself to show that the little things we take for granted such as plants, bugs, animals, nature – have more impact on Reality than our Minds and as such we should seriously re-assess our values and beliefs as they based within delusion

I commit myself to tend and take care of myself as my human physical body, to be here within and as breath and for the first time allow myself to feel what it is like to walk, to pick things up, to write, to type, to eat, to drink – as I’ve only ever done all these physical actions from an automated mind perspective – and within that I am grateful to the tick to show me that I have never been here as my body and commit myself to use this opportunity of physical recovery to adjust myself and my behaviour within the Physical to one that is Real

I commit myself to be a student of Life through listening to the EQAFE interviews and reading the Blogs / material published by Desteni such as Heaven’s Journey to Life, Creation’s Journey to Life and Earth’s Journey to Life – as they in detail explain the processes of the Mind and Body and so assist myself within understanding myself and my Mind / Body processes so I can re-align myself from a Limited Mind Reality to a Shared Physical Existence and change my Self-Interested nature to one that cares about Other’s as Self and cares to manifest a World which is Best for All – as I understand that I do not yet have all the tools/information within walking my Process and require others to assist me in seeing / realising the extent of Self-Deception I’ve accepted and allowed myself to Be and Live as

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